You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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