how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize