dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
