Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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