Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
