Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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