you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
