i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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