I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
