We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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