my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
