i think i have two assholes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
