his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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