I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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