She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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