Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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