I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
