Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize