I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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