Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize