I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
