he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she told me i tasted like america
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
