toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
