You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
