Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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