Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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