You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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