New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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