idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He did a backflip because drugs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
