I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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