Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
