It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
