What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
