I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
