my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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