I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
