goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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