Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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