six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
