I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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