i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i've created a new STD.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
