Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
sarcasm needs its own font
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
