I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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