in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
