i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
