I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
