hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My liver just had a heart attack.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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