He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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