why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize