This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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