you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
