did you get engaged???
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize