Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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