some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
