Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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