The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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