My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
