I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
