just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
