Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
