ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
