I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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