Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
