I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
