True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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