he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
