The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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