My nipple is on Facebook.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
