Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize