I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
