i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
