I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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