im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
