she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
