It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
