Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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