I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
